Thursday, January 01, 2004

"Why do we always have to sit in the same place?" Chinchin whined. "Shut up", I think. But I don't actually say anything, there is no need really, I am his senior and though he might question what I do, he always follows. I like sitting in the same place every time we come. Really, it has to do with comfort. We usually sit in one of the back rows in the small room, I make sure to sit next to wall. This way I can avoid too much interaction with the "brothers" and "sisters". Though, avid as they are, they always seem to make their way over to my private corner. And even though I had known each one of them all my life, I still did not feel comfortable with them. Because to feel comfortable you had to believe like one of them, think like one of them, understand them. I did not and I was not one of them. So, yes I smiled when they came over, the words effortlessly flowed out of my mouth, " Oh, hey Brother or Sister so-and-so. How are you today... Yes I am looking forward to today's meeting...." While on the inside , I did not want to speak to any one of them, much less smile at them. I looked around, and shamefully I feel disgusted at the place of worship. I dreaded stepping foot in the dreary building which had at one time been a church, but now was a recently converted Kingdom Hall. I thought, if I had to be there, they could have renovated so that the place was at least pleasant to be in. And then I realized that, maybe this place could never really be pleasant to me.

Even if the sun shined a little brighter, this place had no windows.

Because I was an unbeliever. Little did everyone else know they had an unbeliever in their midsts. As usual, it is about one o'clock, time to start the meeting, a Brother, most probably a guest speaker gets up and approached the podium. And finally I feel a slight ease, because as soon as he begins to speak, I can wonder off comfortably into my own world....