Tuesday, January 01, 2002

My mother was a big part of the problem. This didn't have to be a big deal. I didn't have to be undercover. But she made it so difficult to tell her anything. It was clear that she felt that this ... religion ... was all she felt she had to offer to me. And if I rejected it, I was not only rejecting everlasting life, I was rejecting her gift to me. I saw in her eyes the accomplishment she felt when she finished a lesson and she thought we'd learned it and accepted. She made me feel like I carried twice the burden any one else my age had to carry. It was twice the effort. Twice the alienation. Twice the deception. Twice, times, twice, times, twice.... What does all that equal?

Twice the dissappointment and twice the unhappiness.